I have always loved the smell of rain, the sound of thunder, the pitter patter of the drops hitting. BUT on a cold day (44F) there is not a lot to like I think. It is cold and damp. I am cold. I keep adding clothes and can't seem to get warm. 

I had planned to go out today and do some errands. Try and get a new SIM card for my phone and see if we can get it working. Go to the yarn shop and feast my eyes on all of the colors and textures... while looking for something that will go with the wools I have for weaving. Stop and pick up some onion sets for the garden. Instead I am just trying to get warm and want to stay home. 

I am sure it is my attitude. It changed last night when I got into the old phone of hubby's and found some unpleasant reminders of life before. When someone dies they don't think about what will be left behind for those who love them to find. Separate lives for one. No passwords for two. In this day and age of technology passwords are needed. Those who love me know where to find mine to take care of every day accounts, etc. Phones, computers, Ipads, everything that needs a password. I have managed to now erase everything in both the ipad and phone. The computer guy did that for me with the computer, to the point he got rid of things I wanted. :( But, it worked after. I am hoping that for the phone. It is older, still smart I guess...will find that out when I get out and go somewhere for a card and see if it is locked or we can unlock it. I also need to see about a better attitude for today and forward. Coffee. I will start with a nice warm fresh cup of coffee and go from there. Have a great day. May your attitude be better than mine is today! ;) 

Reality often sucks. What a way to start the post, but it often does. I look at commercials, magazines, Facebook, it seems all have it together for the dress up for Easter morning, family dinner, house is clean, eggs are colored... Me? None of the above. Often I have enough problems figuring out what to make for a regular lunch and then dinner without it being a special one. I will get to church, I hope, but beyond that, zilch. Life got complicated when mom got dementia and moved in. Then another step down when she broke her leg and doesn't get around well at all. We will skip the incontinence problems.

Last year, the end of  February I had to put my little dog down. March 18 mom fell and broke her leg. We now have more help with her, but that means more people in and out while I am trying to get other things done. This year, her little dog died this month on the 10th. Then the next day she fell. Luckily for all of us she was okay. I had horrible flash backs to last year and feeling like it was happening all over again. This year she can't get into the van. I can't get 2 wheelchairs into the car. (SIGH.) Thought how wonderful it would be not to worry about cooking a special dinner for the day. I have already realized no candy, no cards, no colored eggs. Easter just missed me this year with the exception of meatless/fasting Fridays which should have clued me in that it was coming. It didn't.

Overdid working in the garden and pulling things out of the basement. Hurt the back again. Was in to the chiropractor 2 days in a row last week. I really think I have gotten old without realizing it. Body does not cooperate with speed or stamina. Age has always been a number for me. I think it is sinking that number means getting old.

I NEED that fairy godmother. Zap, clean house. Zap, garden/yard is cleaned and going. Zap, special dinner. Zap, massage for the aching back. So, yes, right now reality sucks. That all said, I hope you have a Happy Easter. Eat some chocolate for me, I forgot to buy any. Zap.

Status quo

The garden is in. The yard is coming along. Two summers of working hard to try and 'catch up' are showing results. I wish I could say more for the house. I still have boxes that need to be gone through and gotten rid of as there is still way TOO much stuff here.

 Mom has been in the nursing home since March 23. She will be home July 1. The routine of the house has changed since she was here and will have to change again when she returns. Right now I don't bother with meals at regular times, sleeping at regular times, I can run all errands in a single day because I don't have to worry about her being alone (which she cannot be). All that will change and a fairly rigid routine will again be put in place. 

She has dementia. Dementia demands a routine or problems arise. I like routines for short periods. Not everyday, all day, all week, all month. I like change, surprise, flexibility to move the schedule. Not when she is home. I did not realize how much of a schedule was in place until it was at least 1 1/2 months after she was gone I was still doing the same things. When I realized that, all changed! The type and number of animals in the house changed. Meals changed. Cleaning routines changed. Almost everything I can think of changed. I think I may have caused myself more problems by changing so much because when she is back, it needs to be the old routine or close to it. 

Perhaps I will find comfort in the old routines and actually accomplish more in short periods. No more of this working for days to get something I really wanted done completed and them being sore and tired for a couple days after. I am not sure how productive that type of working really is. So...with the routines will return a certain status quo. I hope the peace comes with it.

It is raining!

Again. I had planned to get out and mow today. Not happening. I did not totally get the plants in I brought home yesterday. Not happening. Needed to knock out some weeds. Again, not happening. 

Guess I will get caught up here, do the budget items, pay bills, maybe wash down the cupboard and after running into town perhaps I can do some painting on it. Sounds good in theory. 

We do need the rain but it seems to always mess up my plans for the day. Must have a backup plan. I consistently have enough things going on inside that I can find "something" to do. Usually much more than I can ever get done on a given day or two. And then there are the books set aside for a rainy day. I will just have to take my pick!

Hope

Hope. Something we all have at least at times. Some have it all the time, some drop into depression and despair and feel hope has left them. It will come back. Be patient, have faith, dream and hope returns.

What does the dictionary say about it? To want or wish for with a feeling of confident expectation. A wish or desire accompanied by expectation of its fulfillment. Something wished. One that gives cause for hope. 

For me it is indeed those things, but also something deeper. Perhaps because it goes with faith for me. I tend to hope for things for others more than myself on a deeper level. For myself I have a faith that things will work out and all will end up as it is supposed to be. As I think about it I do find I use that word when expressing things about 'things'. I hope the weather cooperates. I hope the car runs ok... etc. 

That is one one level, but on a much deeper level it is just there, mixed with faith. I guess that is why they say those three words go...faith, hope and love. All a topic on their own. 

How do you look at hope? 

Not all who wander...

This saying has has a strong meaning for me and has for a long time.

I tend to wander. Home to home. Job to job. Country to country. Even in my personal life. Something drives me to move on. Walk away. 

Right now I am back where I started from, small town in northern lower Michigan. Enjoying being back in the old family home I grew up in. Have a garden, pets. 

I can feel lost right where I am, but not normally when I wander. I have often wondered why I seem different, not wanting to 'stay put' and live this same life day after day. I have often wondered that, but not figured out why. More now I tend to just wander about the yard or house. Looking, feeling, thinking, listening. Listening to that voice inside that is my soul, talking to me...letting me know how I feel. 

What about you? Relate or not...doesn't mean good/bad either way, just is. Just curious. Just wandering in my mind...

Problems and attitudes

I understand this on one side, on the other no. The problem is the problem, which is, professional people 'not following through'. I live in a small town. There are limited people (who are good) who do plumbing, landscaping, carpentry, etc. 

I am going to vent a bit here. Mom is in a nursing home and will be coming home hopefully end of the month. The first step in what we have to change is having a plumber come and work in the shower area. Today is the third?? day at least I have been waiting for him to show, no call, no show. Great guy, very good, and I know he is busy, but I have things I need to get done also. I can't do them if I am setting in the house waiting for a phone call/him to show up. I have reworked my schedule many times and my frustration level with 'professionals' who you hire to do a job 'tend to blow you off'. At least that is what it feels like. What happened to the common courtesy of a phone call saying "I will be late, I can't get there today, etc."? I try to have a good attitude about this, but more and more I am running into this 'problem' and wonder if it is just the old ways of keeping the customer happy and common courtesy have gone by the wayside. 

When I lived in France I ran into this 'problem' all of the time and people would say, welcome to France, because it is typical there. I am hearing now that they are trying to promote the attitude of customer satisfaction now, because of the amount of business turnover and unhappy customers there are.  

Is this something you are experiencing in your area? Should I be changing my attitude to accept this? Personally I don't think so, but times do change. Perhaps loss of follow-through, common courtesy and respect for other's time is something that has changed. Not for the better obviously. 

Spelling

The age of the computer has made things easy... unless that is you are using a program that does not have auto correct. That in itself brings its own hosts of problems, auto correct. The other problem I have is trying to look up the word I can't spell. Hmmmm. How do you find the word in the dictionary when you are not spelling it correctly?  I especially had that problem when working in the medical world. Medical terminology never is spelled like it sounds. Of course to spell things like they sound you must pronounce them correctly. 

I have gotten rid of most of the dictionaries, figure most of the time the computer will tell me, or, I can go to Google and type in something close. Then it asks..."Did you mean....." and I know I have found my word. I burst out laughing at the above post though... and thought of all the times I have done just that. 

You??

Pure joy

Every time I pass by this photo in my folder I feel happy. Today, with little sleep and having again to go 1 1/2 hours for an appointment I need to feel happy. 

Such pure joy radiates from that little person in the basin. How much fun! When was the last time we experienced that much joy in something we did?  Isn't it about time to try???