Status quo

The garden is in. The yard is coming along. Two summers of working hard to try and 'catch up' are showing results. I wish I could say more for the house. I still have boxes that need to be gone through and gotten rid of as there is still way TOO much stuff here.

 Mom has been in the nursing home since March 23. She will be home July 1. The routine of the house has changed since she was here and will have to change again when she returns. Right now I don't bother with meals at regular times, sleeping at regular times, I can run all errands in a single day because I don't have to worry about her being alone (which she cannot be). All that will change and a fairly rigid routine will again be put in place. 

She has dementia. Dementia demands a routine or problems arise. I like routines for short periods. Not everyday, all day, all week, all month. I like change, surprise, flexibility to move the schedule. Not when she is home. I did not realize how much of a schedule was in place until it was at least 1 1/2 months after she was gone I was still doing the same things. When I realized that, all changed! The type and number of animals in the house changed. Meals changed. Cleaning routines changed. Almost everything I can think of changed. I think I may have caused myself more problems by changing so much because when she is back, it needs to be the old routine or close to it. 

Perhaps I will find comfort in the old routines and actually accomplish more in short periods. No more of this working for days to get something I really wanted done completed and them being sore and tired for a couple days after. I am not sure how productive that type of working really is. So...with the routines will return a certain status quo. I hope the peace comes with it.

It is raining!

Again. I had planned to get out and mow today. Not happening. I did not totally get the plants in I brought home yesterday. Not happening. Needed to knock out some weeds. Again, not happening. 

Guess I will get caught up here, do the budget items, pay bills, maybe wash down the cupboard and after running into town perhaps I can do some painting on it. Sounds good in theory. 

We do need the rain but it seems to always mess up my plans for the day. Must have a backup plan. I consistently have enough things going on inside that I can find "something" to do. Usually much more than I can ever get done on a given day or two. And then there are the books set aside for a rainy day. I will just have to take my pick!

Hope

Hope. Something we all have at least at times. Some have it all the time, some drop into depression and despair and feel hope has left them. It will come back. Be patient, have faith, dream and hope returns.

What does the dictionary say about it? To want or wish for with a feeling of confident expectation. A wish or desire accompanied by expectation of its fulfillment. Something wished. One that gives cause for hope. 

For me it is indeed those things, but also something deeper. Perhaps because it goes with faith for me. I tend to hope for things for others more than myself on a deeper level. For myself I have a faith that things will work out and all will end up as it is supposed to be. As I think about it I do find I use that word when expressing things about 'things'. I hope the weather cooperates. I hope the car runs ok... etc. 

That is one one level, but on a much deeper level it is just there, mixed with faith. I guess that is why they say those three words go...faith, hope and love. All a topic on their own. 

How do you look at hope? 

Not all who wander...

This saying has has a strong meaning for me and has for a long time.

I tend to wander. Home to home. Job to job. Country to country. Even in my personal life. Something drives me to move on. Walk away. 

Right now I am back where I started from, small town in northern lower Michigan. Enjoying being back in the old family home I grew up in. Have a garden, pets. 

I can feel lost right where I am, but not normally when I wander. I have often wondered why I seem different, not wanting to 'stay put' and live this same life day after day. I have often wondered that, but not figured out why. More now I tend to just wander about the yard or house. Looking, feeling, thinking, listening. Listening to that voice inside that is my soul, talking to me...letting me know how I feel. 

What about you? Relate or not...doesn't mean good/bad either way, just is. Just curious. Just wandering in my mind...