Today is my daughter's birthday. It doesn't seem possible that 47 years ago at 6:47 p.m. a perfect little girl was born weighing 8 pounds and 9 oz, 22 inches long. I can still remember that first time holding her and how special her father and I thought she was (and still is). She was my only child and she in turn gave us a perfect granddaughter.
Of course none of us are perfect but don't we always think they are when they are so tiny and dependent? We worry if we will do the right thing, pray they will turn out and not make the same mistakes we did growing up. That their life will be wonderful and free from problems and everything will be just right for them. We want so much for them, not always able to put into words those wishes and all of that love.
She has overcome so many obstacles in her life, being for the most part a single mom, college, work and a long list of things that always seem to bombard all of us that we hope and pray will spare our children. I remember being totally awed that she painted her house, (on the outside) by herself...something I would have found way too overwhelming to tackle.
As I move into my 'autumn years' I realize how much I would have loved to tell her, things I wish we could have done together. I also know how much I have missed over the years and realize I cannot have any of that time back. I look at my own mother, soon to be 81 and wonder if she felt any or all of what I do about my daughter.
Life passes all too quickly and we do the best we can at the time and pray that what we do is the best thing. I would love to have more time with her, do more things with her... but life seems to get in the way. I know she is dealing with her own doubts and insecurities about her daughter, probably going through some of the same emotional things I am about her.
As I walk down this memory lane, I hope that she is having the best birthday ever and wish we could have spent it together. I wish her a wonderful birthday and a fantastic year ahead and that I love her very much.
I am definitely having one of those days. I would love it to be a day of silence, but, I have a ton of things to do and I am still trying to 'get moving'.
We ended up getting around 5" of snow yesterday, just when I thought maybe I could get out in the yard and do some work. Back to shoveling, snow boots and winter coat. I am so over winter, yet it keeps showing back up.
It reminds me of the upstairs. I go up, work for a couple of hours trying to find some space; but each time I go up I feel like I am back where I started. I joined a group on facebook called 40 bags in 40 days. I actually got rid of 53 bags so far... and yes, I can see a small dent, but the rooms are still not usable for either crafts or sleeping. I need enough space to be able to shift all of the items so I can find what I want and know where everything is...and have space to work. It will happen but not in the time frame I want, which is today.
Maybe I need a day of silence. Get the priorities where they need to be for me. I am not even sure what they are and where they should be. Like all things in life, they change daily in different areas. I hope you are having a good day. I have to just have faith the day will improve.
What nourishes your soul? Have you ever given it any thought? I did. When I first moved to France I realized that I needed nature to do that. Animals, trees, water, flowers, crickets, frogs... sights, sounds and smells. The smell of the earth out in the woods. Gardening.
I tried taking photos, having houseplants, walking through parks but it just was not the same. I needed quiet with nature sounds. The best substitute I could find were some of those nature sound CD's and listening to them during quiet meditation time.
We each have a soul that needs something only you can know and give. But we have to listen to our inner voice that tells us what we need. Listen to and follow that voice. It will lead you to peace within.
I have to say, I feel like this is talking to me. I was just looking at what I had posted the last couple of times and thought... "OMG, I am so behind on this, but life has just gotten in the way." To my own defense I do have a house and yard to take care of, still digging through boxes and getting rid of things. Up until 2 weeks ago mom was living here, but she fell, broke her leg (at 80!) and is now in a nursing home to heal and rehabilitate. So I spend a couple hours a day there. The house was too quiet with her gone so ended up going to the local animal control and picked up 2 cats and a dog, bringing the pet total to 6 if you count the 2 birds. I am also trying to get into my crafts again, both to make and sell which takes time.
Life is always calling us... often in many directions at the same time. Are we listening? Do we take time to notice the birds singing? The leaves coming out in the spring... rustling in the breeze, turning in the fall and falling, the changes all around us each day?
Today the snow if falling, I noticed the floors need a good vacuuming, laundry is piling up again but I also noticed that I am at peace with a purring cat or a dog asleep in my lap while I read a chapter in a good book. I am thankful for what God provides and that mom is healing, that I woke up feeling good and life may not always be calling the way I want, but it is definitely calling!!
